The Art of Overcoming (and Overthinking)

I am the Queen of Self-Reflection, the Mayor of Self-Awareness, the President of Self-Discipline (at least, I'm always running my campaign for it). And for all that, Self-Insight sometimes kicks my butt. It often takes some other astute person to point something out, like my ever-willing husband Nathan, before I can have a meaningful self-realization. It's both helpful and deeply annoying when someone can point some major thing out about you as if it's the most obvious thing.

Last week I inserted myself into a conversation between my husband and his twin brother about favorite movies. Nathan asked what my faves are and I told him my top one was Whiplash (having just seen it again recently), and also Waitress. He made some offhand joke about me liking movies with abuse, and I argued that I like the journey of self-discovery. He responded that he thinks I like movies about overcoming, and after a split second of reflection, I agreed. (By the way, all of his favorites have the archetypal journey of the hero, and no one who knows him is surprised by that.)

I quickly made the obvious connection that of course I like movies with this journey, because it's my own journey - I have been working to overcome a chaotic upbringing my whole adult life. But much of my life, even the small things, reflect this pattern of overcoming too. I have to overcome my constant desire for comfort to do regular chores and errands, to exercise, to socialize. I usually have to overcome my own penchant for over-analysis to take action. The funny thing is, the things I'm overcoming are often tied to my own self-limiting beliefs and boxes that I build around myself. And boy do I like to build them around myself when it comes to art!

I recently boxed myself in by deciding that portraits, and only portraits, are the thing toward which I want to work. I have imagined the entire artistic journey, beginning with sketchbook practice and classes, and ending with exhibitions for social justice, commissions, and a cohesive, expressive style. To make my dream happen, I decided I have to reject and avoid painting all other subjects so that I can build the skill and experience necessary to succeed.

However, after only sketching a few portraits, I received a DM on Instagram from someone who had seen my 24" x 36" painting, "Resilience," at the coffeeshop gallery where I've had a show up for the month of November. I wrote about that painting here - it's the most meaningful piece I've done up to this point. She was disappointed to see that it had already sold, and inquired as to whether I had anything else in progress in that size. As I was drafting my response to gently let her down, Nathan walked in and asked what I was up to. I told him about the message, and he just said, "Heck yeah, if she wants a commission, that's a no-brainer." For me, nothing is a no-brainer, so I sat with it for a bit.

After a little introspection as to why I was so quick to say no, I realized it was fear. I was telling myself that if I don't focus my art career, I won't be successful. I was giving up mixed media and other subjects that I enjoy to chase the idea of being known for portraits. Plus, I had no idea how to work through a commission, or what I was willing to do when it came to deposits, revision requests, etc. I chided myself for making a decision that was based in fear, then spent the weekend researching and creating a Commission Agreement, which forced me to decide how I wanted commissions to go. I had to overcome that fear, but by the time I'd finished, I was at peace about it. The interested woman may or may not move forward with the commission, but I'm grateful to her anyway for being the catalyst to my growth in this area. I've re-opened my mind and am counting nothing out when it comes to art at this point.

So hey! I take commissions now! Funnily enough, two other commissions from people I know are on the burner as well. Some people call it the abundance of the universe when things work that way - I call it God. He's leading me out of my cozy little boxes that I create for myself.

Other things I overcame in the past week that are hilariously not profound: I managed to clean my house (which is always a bummer), and then I hosted nine people for Thanksgiving, even though I began to thaw my turkey two days too late and hosting parties and big meals gives me flop sweat. On Saturday, I overcame my inner hermit and braved the frigid temperatures to go out into the community for two art/craft markets and talked with way more people than I'm used to in any given day. And lastly, I got Christmas up in my house on December 1st even though I just wanted to sit on the couch.

Life can wallop us with pain, illness, and hardship - I've had my share of those too. But it's just as important to celebrate the everyday battles we've won. What have you overcome lately?