Inspiration is a Fickle Friend

Exactly two weeks ago, I was in Italy on my last night of a two week art retreat, and I was officially graduating from my year-long Mastery Program to become a professional artist. I spent hours over those weeks talking with other inspiring artists at all different points of their careers. I overshared about myself and my life, and sweet women listened and gave me feedback that felt ground-shaking. I stuffed my face and indulged in everything without reservation because I had brought my stretchy pants. I went to bed every night in a room with an army of stink bugs intent on dive bombing me, shared a sleeping space with a (very kind, funny, and cool) stranger, and drank coffee every morning with MILK instead of CREAM, but I was in a happy bubble, unbothered. I was in Italy and I was being inspired and my life was never going to be the same! I felt love, true love, for everyone there, and it was the exact right amount of time, because I guarantee I would have devolved after a few more days and began to let my true hermit shine, seeking out quiet places for uninterrupted naps. But nope, when it was time to leave, I was abuzz with light, joy, and confidence about my path and how I was going to change the world with my art.

Cue me, present day, scrolling through Instagram to watch process videos because, people, I forgot how to paint. I have spent every evening after dinner haunted by my studio while binge-watching a show that will add zero positive impact to my life. In two different one hour sessions, I managed to cover my largest canvas yet with the ugliest marks and combinations of mixed media materials ever. I transformed that beautiful white canvas into a grotesque combination of primary colors, completely unintentionally. I have a simple source that I've created in order to paint an incredibly meaningful interpretation of a dream that I had just before the retreat, but I am utterly unable to execute. And just to make it more fun, it's meant to be the crowning, largest piece in my solo art show that begins on November 1st.

I'm currently writing this while I wait for a large swath of modeling paste I've spread over the whole canvas to dry so that I can basically start over. On the bright side, I believe I've just caused enough panic in myself to sit with it all weekend, determined to make it into something. Afterall, panic is a good way to access inspiration and create something beautiful from a pure place, right??

Have you experienced a time where you were totally motivated and inspired, only to just have it slip away? How did you shake yourself out of it?